i don't like sucking hair
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I intend to get homeless drunk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What drink are we having for lunch?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
