it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
