some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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