he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
