the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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