Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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