he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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