Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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