escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
