I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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