If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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