I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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