Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
