I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
