I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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