Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
