So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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