Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
