I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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