I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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