Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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