Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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