Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
