Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
