every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
