Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
