Please, let me fuck your mom
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
