Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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