I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
