i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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