Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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