lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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