Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
