Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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