On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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