I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
