If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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