My friends, they love my intelligence
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
