I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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