i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.