I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God