How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE