Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.