dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.