The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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