I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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