I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
