I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
