I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
