covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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