Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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