Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
