I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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