Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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