So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
