What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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