so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
