i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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