just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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