The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
