I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
