M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
