we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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