i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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