What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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