go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
