Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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