from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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