I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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