i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
