I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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