we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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